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Allow me to introduce myself...since I don't think I've done a very good job at that.
My name is Caitlin. I'm a Reiki Master and LMSW...along with moon talker/shadow
worker/energy worker. To be honest, I didn't grow up dreaming I would be any of these things. In fact, I was very resistant to this type of work. I had successfully convinced myself that I did not want to be a social worker. Feelings weren't really my thing. Or so I thought. But the universe had other plans. Following my undergraduate work, I decided to enroll in a graduate program for my Master’s in Social Work. I couldn’t figure out how I had gotten there, but it was working out and I loved it.
And then, years later (after I had graduated from my Master's program and taken my licensing test) I was introduced to energy work...and I pushed HARD against that. I mean…HARD. I used every expletive in the book whenever someone mentioned energy work in my presence. The mention of Reiki sent me into a tailspin...which is funny because, at the time, I didn't even know what it was. But still...I resisted.
I now understand that my visceral reaction to this line of work was due to deep rooted, highly engrained thought and behavior patterns I had developed over the course of my life (and probably before) AND the reality that it was my true calling. Most of my life I actively tried to get OUT of my body and that type of work required a lot of calling in and being in the body. It was not comfortable to be present with myself and I didn't have the coping skills to deal with it. At 11 years old I developed an eating disorder which would weave its way into every part of my life for the 11 years that followed. Many therapy sessions and treatment centers later, I felt I finally had it under control. And on the surface, I did. But I was still working very hard to remain disconnected from my body.
I threw myself into drinking and smoking then the pendulum swung the complete opposite way and I dove head first into the world of bodybuilding. I focused on training and food and aesthetics. I looked good and I got outside approval. I didn't realize I was running. There was no awareness that everything I did was to prevent myself from feeling. Preventing myself from sitting with my body. Anytime I would be still, this anxiety would rise up in me and I would have to extinguish it.
At some point, after the drinking, smoking, bodybuilding, and other obsessive behaviors, my life felt like it was finally balancing out. I had my "dream job" job, great friends, wonderful husband, peace with food and workouts, etc...
How wonderful!
Right?
On the surface...sure...but not so much...
Everything I had been running from...the trauma, abuse, anxiety, depression...it all presented itself in a very intense way. I couldn't sleep, I was having panic attacks, and I became suicidal. Everything felt out of control and then fell apart. I ended up in the hospital and then shortly after that, went to a treatment center in Santa Fe. That’s when I started to rebuild my life in a meaningful way.
It was there I learned how to connect to my body in a way I understood and that felt safe. Every group had meditation. To my surprise, it was very helpful. Who knew!? (besides the millions of people who already had this figured out.) They offered yoga (which I reluctantly tried), sound meditation, and Reiki. In taking the step to try Reiki, I truly feel I changed my own life.
Meeting a healer you connect with is beautiful and truly transformative. She was the facilitator, the bridge, but most important thing I learned was that I am my own healer. The person who helped me step into that power walked side by side with me. Helped show me the way and was a flashlight in the dark. It was in working with her and embarking on this lifelong healing journey, that I realized this was my calling and my true path. There were a lot of twists and turns to get here and I never would have guessed that life would turn out like this, but I am grateful to be where I am now.
I love this work and believe in this work because I have seen how it changes people. I feel this deeply and I hope this has given you a better idea of who I am and why I'm out here doing this work.
Thank you for taking the time to read and I look forward to working with you.